Clear cut

I've heard the all warnings and I've ignored them. I pushed my luck. I rolled the dice. I played with fire. It's human nature. When I was told not to touch something, I usually did, even if I knew better. Maybe because deep down, I was just asking for trouble. Trouble that risked the whole of my life.

It's a clear damaging cut.

All of my life I was trained to be vigilant, to chase down the problem, to ask all the right questions, to find the root cause until I know exactly what it is and I confront it. It takes an extreme amount of caution or I can't overstep myself. I can create problems that don't exist.

Because my intentions are always pure. I always want to do what is right, but I also have the drive to push boundaries. So I was in danger of taking things too far. I was told to do no harm while I was trained to cut myself open with a knife. So when I do things when I should have left well enough alone. Because its hard to admit when there's no problem to treat, to let it alone before I make it so much worse. Because I caused terrible damage.

Until I have used every single strength in every single cells in my body, I am not gonna give up. The insanity these cells brought into my soul has conjured an insensible heart, a numb heart. It is not time for a curtain call yet. Until then, I am gonna be living truthfully under imaginary circumstances - call me insane.

Then, the heart will stop.

It's one of those things that people say, you can't move on until you let go of the past. Letting go is the easy part, it's the moving on that's painful. So sometimes we fight it, try and keep things the same. Things can't stay the same though. At some point, you just have to let go. Move on. Because no matter how painful it is, it's the only way we grow.