Twisting and Turning

Lightning - It may strike twice.

When we say things like "people don't change", it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science - always love my chemistry and physics classes. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. They way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like a pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like any moment, we can be born all over again.

why it matters?

I, recently, saw Blue Valentine. I was bugging myself to find a copy of the movie anywhere I could, to a point of driving up to Wangsa Maju at 2 am checking out at a pasar malam there. I even almost wanted to subscribe to Netflix using GE's office IP address - stay up late in the office and turn on the Netflix. And I finally found it at Low Yatt - duh! It was worth the effort. Such stellar performances from both Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams supported by a talented kid, Faith Wladyka.

If there's only thing I've realized or found from this piece is how scary or frightening life could be out there. Brutally honest on the most possible reality in relationship of human beings, the piece offers a refreshingly honest perspective of situation in which "happily ever after" is hard to be sought after. An autopsy of a failed relationship (or marriage in a certain extent), in contrasts the giddy honeymoon beginning with the heartbreaking and wrenching sad denouement after dysfunction has devastated the groundwork of hope and newness.The whole storytelling, for me, is driven by a majestic performances and brilliant lines (rumors say that most of them were improvised, more credit to the performances). There's a great deal of intensity in the acting and some of the confrontations between Dean and Cindy are difficult because of the amount of feeling brought to their roles by Gosling and Williams. It is so packed with honesty of the actual character's feelings. Audience may say that Gosling and Williams are just being themselves, but i've gotta prove them wrong if they have done some acting before.
Here you go. Usually, in your acting 101, the acting teacher will pass a handout pretty much like this -

Physical. What does the character look like? How do the character’s physical attributes play a role in the story? How does the character feel about his or her physical attributes? How does the character change physically during the story? How do these changes affect the character’s experience?

Intellectual. How would you describe this character’s intelligence? What does this character know? How does this character’s intellect compare to others in the story? Is this character smart enough to thrive in the world in which he or she lives? What does this character learn as the story develops?

Emotional. How does this character feel most of the time? How do his or her feelings change throughout the story? How does this character feel about himself or herself? When faced with challenges in the story, what emotions come up for this character?

Social. How does this character get along with other characters in the story? Who does this character choose for friends and why does this character choose them? Where does this character stand in the social order? How does this character’s social standing affect events in the story?

Philosophical. What does this character believe about the way life is? What are these beliefs based on? How do these beliefs affect the choices this character makes? How do those beliefs change throughout the story? Do others in the story share these beliefs?

And you'd be like me, 'Can we just get some acting goin on now. Read the lines and say it on stage. You say your lines and i say mine. If it doesn't sound right, let us know'. But, the teacher always knows better! That's what i just realized after watching this movie.

There are few scenes in this movie where squabbling happens between Dean and Cindy. It's one of those scenes where both people are in an argument that they are both talking simultaneously to prove the other is wrong. It escalates and bursts or stops. Classic acting scene. But, it ain't that easy. If you do not 'own' the character well, or answering honestly the questionnaire above and truly live under that imaginary circumstances, the lines memorized will be spit out like nothing or worst, you stumble on some words.

It's all because you are living as YOU, not the character. The character has history or those answers to the questions above that it'll make the words come out almost spontaneously. You will not feel the emotion perfectly and trust me, if you do not feel it, the audience will not feel it too! Unless you totally psyched by the character's life and fully 'own' it, it'll come out easily up to a point that you do not feel like you're just spitting out lines. Let say the lines go as "I didn't want to be somebody's husband and I didn't want to be somebody's dad, that wasn't my goal in life. But somehow it was. I work so I can do that". You've gotta believe in those words you say and you won't believe it until you know that you really wanna be a husband and why?, a father, why? whose father? whose husband? what it feels like to be those two? what about it you want them so much?

Gosling and Williams totally master this art - in fact, some of the same league thespians. When they pull out such scene, it feels like humanity is just lying naked in front of me. And when that is clear to me, the journey of the beings could be seen in the simplest manner but brutally sad!

The kind of movies or piece of arts, I like to see, is the kind that leaves something in me after i walk out of the venue. It makes me think or question the reality of my life - note, it ain't just from dramas. Blue Valentine comes on like a bittersweet cautionary tale. A story, I supposed, I've gone through, not literally, close enough not to be able to pull myself out of it for quite a while. A searing portrait of failure of not just a wonderful and hopeful relationship, but more importantly, the love that once fueled it.